I will admit, this one is a hard one to write. I am sitting on the eve of my 20th dia-versary (as we call it in the diabetic world). 20 years tomorrow.
I could easily spend the next few minutes writing about how tough my life has been since my diagnosis. I could talk about how life hasn't been fair. I could easily throw a pity party with fancy words and deep felt emotion, that would trigger all of you to feel sorry for me. I am not going to do that.
My diagnosis day is a bit taboo in our household. Heather doesn't mention it, nor do I talk much about it. I am not sure why we don't talk about it more, after all, it was the day that my life would change forever. But, we all have that day. A day in which something happens that changes our lives forever. So tonight, I decided to embrace the day. I choose to embrace the day because I am fighting for a cure for my daughter, and part of that process is being truthful and speaking from the heart.
Honestly, I am very lucky to have the opportunity to write this blog tonight. The past 20 years, I have lived recklessly. There have been times when I haven't really cared much about my health and have ignored my diabetes. Hospital stays and flirting with death has caused me to wake up a bit, more importantly, Micheala's diagnosis has opened my eyes. Statistically, I should either be blind, without a foot or even possibly dead, but somehow have dodged those bullets so far. I never imagined that at 34 years old, I would ever be so grateful for getting up in the morning and seeing sunlight.
I can't help but think about a hospitalization I had once. It was November 2001 and Heather and I had just gotten married in August. I was home sick and throwing up everything that I tried to put into my body. My body shut down, I was dehydrated, but continued to tell Heather that I was not going to the hospital. I would drink a glass of water and throw it up 15 minutes later. Finally, Heather ignored my request, and loaded me up in our car and took me to the hospital.
I didn't want to go. I was coaching basketball at Upper Iowa at the time and had an important scrimmage the next day that I did not want to miss. I got to the emergency room and could only walk in with the assistance of Heather, which was quite a struggle for her. That's where my memory stopped of that day.
The next day, I woke up in Intensive Care. I was hooked up to every machine possible and remember not being sure of what happened. Heather was sitting at the side of my bed....scared. I felt awful for her because I knew that one of her memories of being a newlywed would include this hospital stay.
It's anyone's guess to how close I was to not making it through. The Doctors told us it was close and that Heather saved my life.
I look back and am very thankful to Heather for choosing to ignore my request. There may have never been a Dylanne or Micheala if she had listened to me. I would have never had he opportunity to be married to her for 10 years and would have never met some of the great people that I now call friends.
This is what I think about and will think about all day on March 1st. March 1, 1992 was the day that would forever change my life. Change it in a lot of ways that have hurt me, but has also made me stronger. Diabetes has brought much hurt and pain to myself and the people in my life, but it has also brought on opportunities to achieve and claim victory. Our efforts with JDRF is one example.
Diabetes has made me look at things in this world much differently. I don't focus so much on what I don't have in life, but more on what God has blessed me with. I have a wonderful family. I have the best wife and two beautiful girls. I am not a perfect person and that doesn't seem to bother me much. I live a passionate life filled with emotion and purpose. I smile more than I frown; laugh more than I cry; love more than I dislike.
March 1st will not be a day of gifts and celebration. It will be like any other day. Sure, throughout the day, I will think about the scared boy laying in the hospital bed 20 years ago. But at that moment, I will think of my wife and smile. I will think of my 2 girls and smile. I will think of everyone who has stepped up and supported me in my efforts to cure this disease and smile. I will think of life that God has given me an opportunity to live here on earth and be thankful for his grace. I will think of Pump Princess and know that my job is not done.
Here's to another year of fighting the fight.
Here's to another year of Keeping My Promise.
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