This morning was just one of those mornings in which I had too much time alone in the car. I got to thinking....which is sometimes dangerous. This morning I felt compelled to write a letter to Micheala. Not a letter for her to read tonight, but 20 years down the road, just like I hope 20 years down the road she will go back and read this blog and is proud of her dad. So this morning, I write this letter for Micheala.
Dear Micheala,
I am writing to you today because you have been on my mind quite a bit. As I look back at these past six years of your life, I am so proud of you for overcoming the obstacles that have been thrown in front of you at such an early age. I often brag to others about how you are the toughest 6 year old around, and even though it often draws laughter, I mean what I say.
I have never apologized to you in person because I just don't have the strength to say the words to your face. I may be taking the easy road in this blog, but I am sorry. I am sorry for the life that you have to live with diabetes. I promise that I never intended to pass diabetes along to you, but God's plan was different. I never wanted you to have the risk of going through some of the things that I have gone through with diabetes, but God has other plans.
The toughest part of each day is getting up, looking at you and knowing what you are going to go through that day with diabetes. I find myself guilt stricken every day, and constantly searching for ways to make it up to you.
I apologize that I don't have the means to take this disease away from you. I am not a medical expert or a medical scientist that has the smarts to work on a cure for you. I chose a profession in which I help people, but can't even help you.
I apologize for having your childhood memories marked with an Astrix. Although you still have friends and are able to do most of what other kids your age are doing, I know that you hate it when you have to stop to manage your diabetes. I apologize that your holidays come with restrictions. I apologize that you get embarrassed in front of others when you have to deal with your diabetes in public. Rest assure that I know what you are going through, because I went through the same things as a teenager.
I want to change the mood of this letter and thank you for all that you have done for me. Prior to your diabetes diagnosis, I thought that I had things in life figured out. I thought that my career and own interests were priority in life. I thought that living an average lifestyle was okay, and that I could someday die a happy and fulfilled person. After your diabetes diagnosis, my life took on a whole new purpose. I felt as if I had more to offer the world and discovered more talents that I never had any indication that I possessed. I started putting other people and things ahead of myself. I found passion in helping people. I found fulfillment in making people smile. I started to dream about bigger and better things. I started setting goals that I was told could never be reached; yet got up each and every morning with the confidence that I could achieve those goals. I thought that my life was a closed book, only to realize that part of my life was only the first chapter. I am looking forward to writing many more chapters...chapters that include you, your sister and your mother.
It's important to me that you know that I won't give up. I made a promise to you in July 2009, that I would do everything that I can to help someday find a cure for diabetes. Even though we don't have a cure yet, I am doing everything that I can. God has blessed your dad with some pretty special people that have helped me in pursuit of my promise to you. I encourage you to always be grateful to these people, as I am forever grateful for their time and efforts.
Finally, I am stuck in a situation in which I don't know if there is ever anything I can do to make up for the hurdles that you now have to leap over in your life. I love you very much and I know God has a very special plan for you. I know that God is using you to make a difference in this world and influence those people that you come across in your lifetime.
I love you and am very proud of you.
Keeping my promise,
Dad
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