Pump Princess(es)

Heather and I have not mentioned this to anyone yet, but I use this blog to get things off my chest and if I don't use this forum, I may go crazy.

Last week, Dylanne wet the bed. Out of character for her BIG TIME. In our house, if you wet the bed, you get your blood sugar tested. I mean, we have the supplies, so why not? We tested her blood sugars that morning and found that after fasting for 10 hours, her blood sugar was elevated to 141. 141 is not real high, but she should be about 100. This raised our eyebrows and started to employ some concern for Heather and I. Heather continued to test her sugars throughout the day, and thankfully, she had normal sugars the rest of the day.

Heather and I have been accused of being over paranoid in the past. With Micheala's Chiari Malformation, we went a year or so with no answers, yet we knew in our hearts that something was wrong. Turns out we were right. We started seeing signs of diabetes in Micheala early on and thankfully was able to catch her diagnosis prior to her going into DKA. We noticed her thyroid was huge and brought it to our doctor's attention. Thankfully we are able to monitor and medicate her now. We raised concern about Micheala having Celiac, and blood draws have show that there is a slight sign, so now we can monitor that. In my opinion, we have reason to be paranoid.

So our steps with Dylanne are to monitor her. We have been educated in regards to the signs of diabetes and are confident that when we see certain behaviors, that we will test blood sugars. We have to pay special attention to her if she gets sick, because that may be an indication as well. One more thing that God has thrown our way.

Does Dylanne have a chance of being diabetic? Sure. Will she become a diabetic at some point? Hopefully no, but this decision is out of our hands.

Dylanne knows what we are doing with her, but in the event that she becomes a diabetic, I don't believe she knows what that means. She watches Micheala and sees her struggles, but does not know what it feels like. To Dylanne, diabetes is about "Mom and Dad loves Micheala more than me", "Micheala gets to wear these cool pump pouches", "Everyone comes to the walk to see Micheala" and "Dad is always doing JDRF stuff". She has no clue how diabetes can impact her life in regards to her health.

Dylanne told us last night that her JDRF Walk team is going to be named "Dylanne's Peace Sign Pump Pouches". It's almost as if she has accepted the fact that she is diabetic already.

For me, I already live with the guilt that I have brought one child into this world and they have to deal with the burden of diabetes, but 2 children?

I have praying on this quite a bit lately. I believe that God's plan for me is directly related to the relationship that I have with JDRF. I believe Micheala's diagnosis was a wake up call for me to exercise my talents to benefit JDRF. I believe that God wanted more from me and was using me to reach out and advocate for a cure. I pray for answers wondering what it is that God is telling me now.

To be selfish, I don't want to go through another child of mine being diagnosed. The pain of Mothers Day (May 10, 2009) is still too real. It took me a long time to go through the grieving process before I started my mission to change the world of diabetes. I still has those days, but they are not as severe as they were when Micheala was first diagnosed. I don't care to go through that process again. A huge part of my heart was hurt when Micheala was diagnosed and it has taken a while for it repair. I am just not sure if another blow to my heart can be repaired. I am fearful for Dylanne, I am fearful for what it would do to Heather and I am fearful of what it will do to me.

Will I stress and worry about this? Yes, but I have to stay strong for Dylanne, even if she doesn't realize it. I refuse to let these feelings over shadow the great things that she has accomplished in her 8 year life.

I just don't want Pump Princess to become Pump Princesses.