Crash

I had an opportunity to watch a movie this weekend. The movie was called "50/50". It was about a young man who got a rare form of cancer. The movie chonicled this young man's journey through his fight with this cancer, both with the disease and with his relationships with others. The reason I bring this up, is because there is a scene in the movie that has just been stuck in my head for the past few days. A scene that I found myself in many times.

Near the end of the movie, the main character (the young man with cancer), is sitting behind the wheel of his friend's car. He asked his friend to get out of the car and then locked the doors. As his friend is banging on the windows and wanting back in the car, the young man pulls out his cell phone and calls his therapist. In the peak of his emotional state, he screams to his therapist with angry tears rolling down his face, "I am so fucking tired of this disease". He eventually hangs up with his therapist and lets his friend back into the car.

As I think about that scene, it is easy for me to see myself in this young man's role, because I have done something similiar. There are just times when everything seems to crash into you. I do this a lot in regards to Micheala. It just seems like there are times that we really struggle and seems like we can never stay on track with Micheala's diabetes. The sleepless nights, the days off of work, the extra trips to the doctor's office and the trust that we have to have when leaving her in the care of others. It is always something. Maybe we stress too much. Maybe we let things bother us too much. Maybe we worry about things we shouldn't worry about. Maybe we are not absorbing the crash well enough.

Dylanne asked us last night why Micheala always seems to be sick. So Heather started naming off the different things that Micheala deals with and quite honestly, it took a few minutes to get through all of those things. I know Dylanne is a pretty smart 8 year old, but she still cannot put it together. I still can't put it together.

For myself, I just need to get better prepared for the crash. Things don't always go the way that I want them to and I understand that. Diabetes has a mind of it's own and doesn't care what's going on in your life. It gradually builds up to the point that it eventually crashes into you.

After the crash, I pick up the pieces and move forward. After all, I have to keep my promise, no matter what the circumstances.