"Do You Think About Diabetes In The Car?"

At my age, you would think that I would learn by now that when I ask a question, I may get an answer that I don't like. Nope, not me. I continue to ask questions and expect an answer that I will favor, but sometimes get answers that I didn't expect or like too much.

I spend a lot of time in my car driving back and forth to work. During that time, especially now, I think about diabetes. I think about the "what if's" and "am I doing enough" type questions. I have learned that if you want something bad enough, and don't have it yet, that it starts to consume your every thought. These thought, mixed with a song from the radio that just happens to pull at your heart, sometimes has me on the brink of tears.

I think about what my life would have been like without diabetes. Has diabetes held me back in other aspects of my life, or have I used diabetes as an excuse to not achieve certain goals? I think about the people that I have met due to the common ground of diabetes and if these people would have ever appeared in my life. I thnk about volunteering at Diabetes camp when I was 15, which compelled me to work with kids after college, and whether or not I would have chosen the career path that I am currently on. I think about the many times that I had been hospitalized and if one of those would have led to my death, and all of the great moments in my life that I would have never experienced.

I think about Micheala and her struggle. I think about Heather's stress due to Micheala's diabetes and Dylanne's jealousy of the attention that Micheala gets from us due to her diabetes. I think about the pressure that we are under to ensure that Micheala lives a long healthy life and my goal to have her live a longer life than I will. I think about how diabetes has helped mold her current personality and what she may be like without diabetes. I think about Micheala's future and whether or not her children will fight a battle with Type 1 diabetes.

I think about a lot of things.

So, last night, I asked Heather, "Do you ever think about diabetes in the car?" She looked over at me and answered, "Yes". So I asked her to share what she thinks about in regards to diabetes. In asking this question, I assumed that her answer would be geared towards Micheala. I was wrong.

Heather's answer was hard to swallow, but it was truth....it was honesty.

Heather tells me that she thinks about me not taking care of myself and passing away. She thinks about life without me and how she will manage once I am no longer around.

As hard as it was to hear this, it is a reality. It's a reality that all people that have loved one's with diabetes have to consider. Diabetes doesn't take a break. Diabetes is 365 days a year, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

I have shared with people that diabetes requires you to live your life perfectly or suffer some sort of consequence, whether it be high blood sugars, low blood sugars or eventual long term consequences like amputation or heart problems. So for diabetics, you have to live perfectly to truely be healthy. You know how the saying goes, "Nobody's perfect".

This is why we need a cure. I don't want my 6 year old to grow up with the pressure of having to live perfectly.