Our Weekend With God

I have a lot to cover in this blog, so it may be a little long. I will try to shorten it as much as I can, but the reality of the situation is that there were so many good things that have happened in the last 72 hours, i don't know if I can avoid make this a bit "novel-ish". Let me start with Friday.....

On Friday, we took Micheala down for her MRI. I can honestly say that this is one of the first times in a long time that I was concerned. I did not want the MRI to tell us that we were going to need another surgery. The MRI was to see if there was spinal fluid blockage which would be the cause of the pain in her arms. Micheala took the MRI like a champ, as she always does, and after about an hour and a half was done and starting to come to again. Because we are not the type of family to "wait until Monday" for the results, we called our pediatrician and had her put the heat on the doctor for results. The good news is that we found out that her MRI was clear and that there would not have to be a discussion about a second surgery. However, we didn't get an answer. What we are doing now is monitoring Micheala for signs of arthritis. So that book is not completely closed as of yet.

I did not sleep on Friday night. I stayed up until 3am completing a set of bag boards for the silent auction. Procrastination got the best of me and I paid for it. Up at 6am on Saturday morning for the Winn'ter Kickball tournament. Besides an awful injury, the kickball tournament was great! I did have to stop and remind everyone that this was a fundraiser, as the emotions and alcohol started getting the best of everyone. It was nice to see that everyone involved with the kickball tournament dropped the attitudes after the tournament and was able to have a good time with the rest of the evening. I appreciate everyone that participated in the tournament and hope that next year, everyone can remain focused on the "cause" and not let our competitiveness get the best of us.

The chili supper and silent auction was a huge success! The number of people at the event still baffles me. People were having a good time and I enjoyed the opportunity to thank just about everyone personally for taking the time to come. I enjoyed the opportunity to talk with other JDRF families and get excited about the good things they have going with their fundraising efforts. Bottom line for the day, Team Pump Princess earned $9,720.75 for the night, which brings our grand total so far to $13,337.95! This surpasses our goal of $13,001 and we are not done yet! I cannot express how thankful I am to those who sacrificed a little part of their lives to make this event a huge success.

So, Saturday night, I get in my car to drive home and couldn't help but "fist pump" all the way to Urbana! For the past 2 years, I have set a goal that has been looked upon as next to impossible and in the past 2 years, we have knocked it out of the park. The best compliment that I got was on Sunday morning on the way home from church, when my wife looked at me and said, "I will never doubt you again".

This weekend was a huge lesson for me on passion. Passion is what has been fueling me throughout this journey. I will admit that I started thinking of the scenario of what I would tell Micheala if we didn't reach or goal and I didn't like those thoughts. The good thing is that I will not have to have that conversation with her. I had learned that passion can do a lot of things, but you have to put that passion into action. Our committee put that passion into action on Saturday and we got huge results. Thank you to everyone.

Sunday was an emotional day for me. I received many "Congrats" from friends and family members. I was over joyed with a feeling of accomplishment. There was a lot of good things that happened this weekend and I want to share what happened on Sunday night with all of you.

I took Dylanne to volleyball practice on Sunday, so Heather was at home with Micheala. They were both on the couch, resting and watching television. Micheala looks over and says to Heather, "Hold my hand because I want to pray". So Heather takes a hold of her hand and Micheala starts to pray. Heather reported to me that Micheala started praying to God out loud. She prayed that "I can help raise a lot of money and get people to care about diabetes so that me and my friends don't have to have diabetes anymore". Speechless.

Heather told me this story when I got back from Dylanne's volleyball practice.

I spent the rest of the evening grinning from ear to ear.

God was very present this weekend. All praise to him.

Breaking Down

I will add a disclaimer to this blog. I may sound as if I am dumping and throwing a pity party, but I am not. I have some things I need to get off my chest and this is my outlet. So I apologize if I sound like a cry baby.

Most of you know that Micheala and I are very close. I am very close with Dylanne as well, but Dylanne and Heather have a special bond together, as Micheala and I have a special bond. So when Micheala hurts, It hurts me as well. So when Micheala came to Heather and I last week favoring her arm because it hurt, we had to get her checked out immediately.

The check up at the Doctor's office did not bring good news. Seems every time we go to the doctor's office, it's not good news. I think that we should probably stop going (ha ha). Doctor put her through a series of tests, and then recommended that we have an MRI done. An MRI done for a sore arm? Yes, an MRI because the doctor thinks that there is a chance that there may be fluid in her spinal area causing the soreness in her arms.

Let's pause for a moment and look at Micheala's medical history real quick.

Micheala was born April 19, 2005. Healthy birth with the acception that she had to be "suctioned" out.

6 months later, it is was noticed that she would stop breathing while she slept. Sometimes turning blue.

The next couple years, she spent her time traveling to Rochester, St.Luke's and the University of Iowa hospitals and getting poked and prodded with every instrament possible to try and figure out what was going on. She was on a sleep monitoring machine all this time. She had numerous tests done including for acid reflux. No answers, many bills.

Finally, she was diagnosed at the University of Iowa hospital with Chiari Malformation of the Brain and had decompression surgery on August 4, 2008. Surgery went well and came with restrictions that limited her ability to have fun as a kid. She fought on and started living a normal life.

May 10, 2009 Micheala was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. A personal nightmare of mine. It was a whole new ball game for her, but she has handled it.

Just within this past year, it has been discovered that Micheala has thyroid issues and is now taking medication for her thyroid. She also had a positive test for Celiac, which may eventually lead to a gluten free diet.

Now....the MRI on Friday morning. It just seems that it's a constant cycle and we can't get out.

We don't know what the MRI is going to tell us. We pray for the good, prepare for the worst and handle the reality.

Last night I broke down.

I told my wife that I was just plain and simply...."exhausted". I don't understand why Micheala has to go through all of these things. I don't understand....well, I don't understand a lot of things. The timing of this could not be any worse. We have our fundraiser this Saturday and are planning on having a spectacular evening with friends and family. We will still have a good time and it will be a great event, but honestly, not without heavy hearts in the chests of Heather and I.

Last night I broke down, but was reminded that I have an awesome wife. In my moment of weakness, she stood up and took control by being the strong leader of our family. I was also reminded of the great children that I have, as Dylanne knew that something was bothering me and kept asking me to tell her. I was reminded that I have great family and friends as they all can together to help assist in setting up the fundraiser last night. My friends that were not there sent me messages all night because they knew that something was heavy on my heart. In my moment of weakness, as I was broken down, I realized that I have surrounded myself with some of the greatest people on this earth.

Realizing that, brought me out of the gutter. I knew that with strong faith and the support from friends and family, that regardless of the outcome tomorrow morning, things were gonna be alright.

I have realized that with all of the above mentioned components lined up in my life, I am able to dream big and accomplish anything. As I have mentioned in past posts, I will not apologize for anything that I do that will help make my daughter healthy someday. I refuse to listen to the people that tell me that I should accept the "acceptable" because it is something that can be accomplished without stress, disappointment and hard work. I choose to reach for the "extraordinary" because I know that acceptable doesn't help my daughter.

God's plan for me is to help my daughter and the many others like her. I have chosen God's plan and it doesn't come with "average". It comes with stress, hard work, sacrafice, prayer and belief.

It was at my lowest point last night, that I realized how truly blessed I am.

Make The Decision To Take Action; Not Just To Never Quit

I spent the weekend in Texas and was blessed with the opportunity to listen to some amazing speakers and hang out with some Champion people. Throughout the entire weekend, I was filled with all sorts of encouragement. I wanted to share with you some of that encouragement.

"Make the decision to take action; not just to never quit" - Robbie Page

This quote has simmered in my mind over the past few days and has gotten me fired up. Fired up not only for this weekend's fundraiser, but of all of the things we are trying to do to find a cure.

I got to thinking about the time that we made the decision to "never quit". We kept telling ourselves that as long as we never quit, good things will happen to us. As long as we take care of ourselves, someone else will find a cure for diabetes and we will all be saved. We believed that the "never quit" mindset was the answer to our prayers.

We bragged and boasted about it. "Yeah, we've been through a lot in our lives, but...we never quit fighting." The problem is that we never STARTED fighting. We dealt with issues rather than work to improve them. As long as we shared our issues with others and said that we would never quit, someone would come along and save us. We played victims of situations that we were not doing anything to better for ourselves. We never quit....but we never started.

We made the decision to take action.

Next to my family, Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation is real close to my heart. I care about the children and families that battle juvenile diabetes each and every day. I am disappointed in myself for taking so long to start working to make a difference. I cannot get that time that I wasted back, so I will work hard to make up for it.

I wanted to encourage everyone to take action. For us, it's taking action towards finding a cure for juvenile diabetes. For you, it may be something else. Take action.

I would hate to think where Juvenile Diabetes research would be if everyone just decided to never quit. The glory is that their are hundreds and thousands of people that decided to take action, whether it be in the way of paying $1 for a sneaker at the local convenient store, advocating, walking or offering support. Remember, JDRF is an organization that was started by the families of juvenile diabetics. They chose action.

I choose action.

"Do You Think About Diabetes In The Car?"

At my age, you would think that I would learn by now that when I ask a question, I may get an answer that I don't like. Nope, not me. I continue to ask questions and expect an answer that I will favor, but sometimes get answers that I didn't expect or like too much.

I spend a lot of time in my car driving back and forth to work. During that time, especially now, I think about diabetes. I think about the "what if's" and "am I doing enough" type questions. I have learned that if you want something bad enough, and don't have it yet, that it starts to consume your every thought. These thought, mixed with a song from the radio that just happens to pull at your heart, sometimes has me on the brink of tears.

I think about what my life would have been like without diabetes. Has diabetes held me back in other aspects of my life, or have I used diabetes as an excuse to not achieve certain goals? I think about the people that I have met due to the common ground of diabetes and if these people would have ever appeared in my life. I thnk about volunteering at Diabetes camp when I was 15, which compelled me to work with kids after college, and whether or not I would have chosen the career path that I am currently on. I think about the many times that I had been hospitalized and if one of those would have led to my death, and all of the great moments in my life that I would have never experienced.

I think about Micheala and her struggle. I think about Heather's stress due to Micheala's diabetes and Dylanne's jealousy of the attention that Micheala gets from us due to her diabetes. I think about the pressure that we are under to ensure that Micheala lives a long healthy life and my goal to have her live a longer life than I will. I think about how diabetes has helped mold her current personality and what she may be like without diabetes. I think about Micheala's future and whether or not her children will fight a battle with Type 1 diabetes.

I think about a lot of things.

So, last night, I asked Heather, "Do you ever think about diabetes in the car?" She looked over at me and answered, "Yes". So I asked her to share what she thinks about in regards to diabetes. In asking this question, I assumed that her answer would be geared towards Micheala. I was wrong.

Heather's answer was hard to swallow, but it was truth....it was honesty.

Heather tells me that she thinks about me not taking care of myself and passing away. She thinks about life without me and how she will manage once I am no longer around.

As hard as it was to hear this, it is a reality. It's a reality that all people that have loved one's with diabetes have to consider. Diabetes doesn't take a break. Diabetes is 365 days a year, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

I have shared with people that diabetes requires you to live your life perfectly or suffer some sort of consequence, whether it be high blood sugars, low blood sugars or eventual long term consequences like amputation or heart problems. So for diabetics, you have to live perfectly to truely be healthy. You know how the saying goes, "Nobody's perfect".

This is why we need a cure. I don't want my 6 year old to grow up with the pressure of having to live perfectly.

March 1, 1992

I decided this morning that I wanted to share the story of my diagnosis of Juvenile Diabetes. Understand that I dedicate my time and efforts to finding a cure for Micheala, but I was thinking to myself last night that I should share the story of how we got to where we are today. I feel that it is important for me to share this story because many of you may not know it and in order to have an ending, we must understand the beginning.

I was 15 years old. In the last week of February, I got sick. Nothing that would have the average person too concerned and so we were not concerned. I went in to the doctor and was diagnosed with having walking pneumonia, nothing too critical, so I was sent home with medications and the instruction to get rest.

So I missed the next week of school. I was resting all day and all night, but didn't seem to be getting any better. Matter of fact, I felt as if I was getting worse. I started dropping weight, drinking fluids all of the time and urinating constantly. I was drinking a gallon of milk a day and lost a total of 25 pounds. I looked sick and come to ind out, I was a lot sicker than I thought.

My mom decided that I needed to go into the doctor again because my condition was not improving. I also happened to remember that in Biology class we were studying diabetes, so I was concerned because I felt that I had the symptoms of someone with diabetes.

We went to the doctor and I asked him to check me for diabetes, and feared that my assumption of being diabetes would come true. My blood sugar was tested and it was over 700. At that point, the doctor told my mother and I that we needed to head to St. Lukes hospital.

It was a very quiet ride to St. Lukes hospital. Neither one of us knew what to say because neither one of us knew what was happening. I was checked in and on March 1, 1992 I officially became known as a juvenile diabetic.

Laying in a hospital bed, I was flooded with emotion, nurses and education. We had no knowledge of diabetes and didn't know of anyone with diabetes, so all of this was knew to us. We had 72 hours to learn about a foreign lifestyle and we were scared.

A diabetic educator came in and made me laugh at first, but then got down to the details, which included the fact that I would be doing finger pokes and shots every day for the rest of my life. I was given a needle with insulin in it and told to give myself a shot less that 12 hours after I was admitted into the hospital. Even if I had a fear of needles, that didn't matter anymore, I was now faced with a life or death situation. I was 15 years old.

I was given videos to watch that explained diabetes. The nurse put in the wrong video at first, it was "Baby By C-Section" and had me scared to death. Even after putting in the right video, I didn't watch much of it.

My mom called my dad at his work and told him the news. He came down to the hospital and stood over my bed, just looking at me. In 15 years, I had never seen my dad cry, but on that day, he broke down. That got me scared.

I started feeling better, but all of us were nervous because we knew that my discharge date was approaching and we would soon be on our own. I had many visitors while in the hospital that lifted my spirits, but then they had to leave and once again I felt hopeless. Nights in the hospital seemed to drag on forever. I wanted to go home, yet I was scared about going home.

So discharge day came and I went home. Our meals now consisted of measuring cups and a growing teenager upset because he was hungry and couldn't eat anymore. It was hard to concentrate in school because I felt like everyone was looking at me, looking at me like I was different. I tried to hide the fact that I was diabetic. I would go to the office and hide in a corner to check my blood sugars. I would make jokes when my friends asked me about diabetes. My coaches were hesitant to have me on the team because of the "what ifs", even though they never expressed their concerns, I could tell by the way that I was treated differently. I was embarrassed to be different because I had always done a good job of blending in. I was the only diabetic in a high school of 200 students and everyone knew that. I remember sitting in a business class and having a low blood sugar. I was shaking like crazy but didn't want to interrupt the teacher because I was embarrassed.

I hated diabetes because it interrupted my life. It made me different.

After a while, the "diabetic kid" thing started wearing off. My friends still knew, but didn't bother me about it anymore. The questioning stopped and I was allowed to start living a semi-normal teenage life again.

That is how it all started for me. I look back on this and can laugh about somethings and still get a bit emotional about others. I was lucky enough to be 15 when diabetes came into my life. I had 15 years of my life to live without diabetes. I compare my diagnosis day to the diagnosis day of Micheala and feel sad that she was granted at least 15 years to live without diabetes. That's why I am fighting for the cure, to give her at least 15 years of no diabetes.

March 1, 1992.....my life, my parents life and eventually Micheala's life changed forever. Diabetes impacts everyone, not just the diagnosed. How has diabetes impacted your life? That is the question I challenge all of you to answer today.

I Wear This For My Sister

Micheala wears a "pump pouch" around her waist to hold her insulin pump secure to her body. With her size, it is the only option for her to wear her insulin pump without it either falling off of her or getting in the way. Her jean pockets are too small to hold the pump and the clip that she can use to clip it to her jeans has broken. Another nice thing about the pump pouch is that it is worn underneath her clothes so that she can hide her pump from others. As I have mentioned before, Micheala sometimes gets embarrassed about having a pump and sometimes gets frustrated with all of the questions that the pump seems to invite from others. I wear a pump pouch as well, because I too enjoy the convenience that it provides.

Recently, Dylanne decided that she wanted to start wearing a pump pouch. She has no insulin pump to put in the pouch and I was not sure why she wanted to wear one. For the past 2 weeks, Dylanne has been wearing a pump pouch underneath her clothes. She wears it to school, at home and even to bed. I was confused at this gesture, because it's not like pump pouches are a new fad or trend, so why was she doing this? I had to step back and look at Micheala to find the answer.

Since Dylanne has started wearing the pouch, Micheala has started to feel better about the fact that she has to wear a pouch. It is as if Dylanne is offering support to Micheala. Comparable to when people wear pink for breast cancer awareness. It is a real cool move by Dylanne to do this and I learned a pretty good lesson by watching Dylanne do this.

Dylanne isn't in a position in which she can financially fund a cure for Micheala. At 8 years old, she is pretty active in our fundraising efforts. She is a great support person as she allows us to advocate for a cure, while placing her own needs on the back burner, much like what Heather does. Every so often, she will talk about what she can do to help, or suggest some different ideas for our fundraising, but again, at age 8, has little that she can do on her own to help. So she decided to do something that she is capable of doing by herself, which is support her sister.

Wearing the pump pouch is a great example of one person doing something to help. It goes back to what i have said from day 1: It's not just about raising funds, it's about being part of something special, it's about being part of the cure. Dylanne is being part of the cure.

I get the question, "What can I do to help?" a lot from people that what to get involved with our purpose. I get a bit dumb founded because I am not sure how to respond. I think that what it comes down to is, what do you want to do?

I have many friends and family that get involved at many different levels. Some seek out many donations, so just attend the walk and show support and others help spread the word of our purpose. Each level of involvement is just as important as the other, because the bottom line is....your getting involved.

I believe that we all, at some point, have dreams of changing the world in our own little way. Some of us fulfill these dreams by voting at elections, some of us volunteer at our schools, we choose to fund a cure for diabetes.

So I encourage all of you to learn from my daughter, Dylanne. Get involved in something, no matter what your level of contribution...just contribute. You may think that you're not doing enough....but it means the world to those on the receiving end.

You Got A Friend In Me

My interest in Juvenile Diabetes is sometimes not realized to the full extent. Sure, I am a Type 1 diabetic and Micheala is a Type 1 diabetic, so I should be involved for selfish reasons. That is how it started, but it evolved to something more than just Micheala and myself. It evolved because we got involved.

I have spoken before about how being part of JDRF has a "family" type feel to it. There is on-going support from other families, friendships that are developed and a common goal between everyone involved. I never would have expected this just by getting involved in something, but it has happened. It is so much more than a group of people and businesses getting together once a year to raise money. It's caring about one another.

As much as I talk and advocate for a cure for Micheala, I also think of these kids (like the one above) when advocating for the cure. I reach a stress levels of unmeasurable amounts while doing these things, but I know that someday it will all pay off.

I look at the picture above and see incredible bravery. I see happiness and joy. I see friendships and laughter. I see hope.

I want to talk about the young man in this picture, Bryce. I don't really know how to describe Bryce because I don't think that I have the words that would do him any justice. But, I will try. He is a very fun-loving kid. Everytime I see him, he has a smile on his face. I have never heard him say anything negative and I don't believe that he ever does. He is a cross country runner and I have heard that he is quite the volleyball player. He loves animals. He has a dream of someday becoming a radio DJ, which I personally think is pretty cool. He is a very good friend of ours and Micheala just adores him. He also has one of the coolest shirts ever, "Bazinga". He has an awesome family and after meeting them, it's easy to see why Bryce is so awesome. Finally, he fights a silent battle with juvenile diabetes every day.

What I admire the most about Bryce, is the fact that I know that he has tough days in managing his diabetes, but he doesn't let that bring him down. He stays upbeat and positive, which is hard to do when diabetes decides it wants to start playing games with you. Another thing that I admire about Bryce is that he took it upon himself to develop a friendship with Micheala. He developed this friendship with her when she thought that she was the only "kid" that had diabetes. He developed a friendship with her when she was embarrassed about having diabetes. He let her know that it was okay, not necessarily by saying those words to her, but by showing her.

In all honesty, the world needs more people like Bryce and his family. Upbeat, determined, brave, loving and as we like to call them....friends.

I want Bryce to someday live without diabetes. Bottom line.

Bryce has an awesome walk team and they continue to grow every year. If you, or someone you know, is part of the Alburnett School District, you may want to look this guy up. Better yet, join his team and help him achieve the dream of living without diabetes.

I want to thank Bryce and his family for being such awesome advocates for the cure. I also want to thank them for being awesome friends to us and the rest of the JDRF families.

Dream Jar

I want to thank the people of the Linn County News Letter for printing our story on the front page of this week's issue. It was very humbling to see our story get front page news, knowing that the thousands of people that subscribe to this news letter will see and read our story first. Thank you so very much for offering us such a huge platform to spread our message.

Tuesday, the day that I got the news letter, was the first time that I have felt that I have accomplished a little bit more than I did last year. That is my goal from year to year, accomplish more than I did the year before. So it was a "puff my chest out" moment, however, I did this in the privacy of my own home.

Now on to today's topic....Dream Jar.

In our house, we have a mason's jar that sits above the sink in our kitchen. The jar is labeled "Dream Jar". Every time I have spare change in my pocket, no matter how little the amount, I put it in the Dream Jar. The jar is all coins, most of them pennies and nickles. I have the Dream Jar for a couple of reasons and the other night, I finally got to explain those reasons to my kids.

One reason is that we are barely a paycheck to paycheck family, just like most people in this wonderful economy. There is no room for extras, so we have to save our change to have a little extra fun. Often times we cash in the Dream Jar when we need something around the house or a little extra gas money for the week, so we really haven't got to use the Dream Jar for it's initial purpose.

The other reason was to teach my kids a lesson on how every little bit always counts. I used money as the metaphor in this case, but the meaning was much deeper. I explained to the kids that every penny, by itself, is only worth one cent, but it's worth something! 2 pennies together are worth 2 cents, twice as much as one and 100 pennies equal a dollar, 100 times as much as one. I told them that often times we feel as if we are worthless and can never amount to anything. What we need to realize is that we all have worth and by working together we can increase our worth and eventually achieve our dreams. That's why I call it the Dream Jar.

I explained to the girls that the same is true when we fundraise for JDRF. Some people can only donate a couple dollars, but the more people that donate a couple dollars, the closer we get to our dream....a cure.

I don't always play psychological games with my kids, but in this case, they seem to understand. As a matter of fact, Micheala came home today from school excited about the fact that her classmates are going to try and raise funds for JDRF. She understands that if her first grade classmates all bring a few pennies, that it will eventually add up to a dollar. That gets her very excited.

I have often stressed to my committee that we could all go "big game hunting" and try to locate 100 people to donate $130, but we would be wasting our time and would be missing the point of spreading the message about diabetes to as many people as possible. I would much rather find 13,000 people to donate a dollar. Like I have said many times before, this isn't just about raising funds.

So in my mind, I have a Dream Jar. I work everyday to fill it with pennies and nickles. I will empty our Dream Jar on February 25th at the Walk for the Cure, then I will start filling the next Dream Jar. The dream, of course is to have a cure.

Young Man, Please Learn From My Mistakes

Tonight, I was asked to speak at the Eastern Iowa JDRF Walk Kickoff banquet. I was ready to get teams motivated and share some of the things that our team was doing to help raise funds for the cure. However, tonight I got rattled.

On the way into Cedar Rapids, we had to stop in at the local gas station and fill up the tank. As I filled the tank, one of our friends approached us. We haven't seen this woman around for a while and it was very nice to see her again. She started telling us about her 14 year old son, who is a type 1 diabetic.

Now I have been working with this young man for a few years now. I have started by developing a relationship with him with the intent of getting him to become active in JDRF. Not for my benefit, but for his. I have tried and tried, but still cannot get him interested in JDRF. He is a great kid, just has no interest in JDRF. I continue to try, but he will not budge.

So his mother starts to tell us that her son is fed up with diabetes and doesn't want to do doctors appointments or anything that has to do with taking care of himself. I was heartbroken.

I understand what this young man is going through. I understand his frustration. I can identify with his disgust.

So as I sat through the banquet tonight, I could not stop thinking about this young man. I was rattled.

So it was my time to speak and suddenly I found that my focus was blurred and the words that were meant to come out of my mouth were no longer there. So I shared my meeting with this young man's mother to the audience. I explained to them that I had a heavy heart because a young man that I care about was already experiencing feelings of hopelessness with diabetes. I was a teenager with diabetes and acted on my hopeless feelings by choosing to ignore my diabetes. A decision that I am paying for now.

I have to figure out a way for this young man to learn from my mistakes so that he doesn't have to pay for them later in life. I have to figure out a way that this young man can avoid hospital stays, eye troubles and a possible heart attack. I have to motivate him to take care of himself so that he can achieve his goals later in life.

This just reinforced my purpose for advocating for a cure. I get disgusted at the fact that a young man in my community already feels hopeless. That's not the way to live your life. Knowing this young man and the potential that he has to do great things in his lifetime propels my motivation for the cure.

This disease never gets any easier. Tonight, I stared out into a crowd that was made up of diabetic children and their families. Each family has their story. Each family has their fight. Innocent children fighting an unforgivable disease. It's difficult not to get a bit emotional, but these kids are tough and will never stop fighting.

When The Purpose Is Strong; The How is Easy

So the team Pump Princess goal is $13,001 this year. Last year our goal was $10,000 and we raised $11,009. Last year I had more doubters than believers. Last year I was told that the goal was too high and it couldn't be done. Even after last year's results, I still have doubters. But that's okay. It's those doubters that help us achieve. I invite the doubters. Secretly, I love the doubters. So the question that I get asked all of the time...."How do you think you're going to raise $13,001?" My response, "When the purpose is strong; the how is easy."

That is a wise phrase that I learned through a great company, Advocare. Translation...if you want something bad enough, you will do anything to get it. If you care about something enough, you'll do anything to protect it. If you desire something enough, you will do anything to obtain it. I use this phrase to fuel me through all walks of life...in faith, in my job and in fundraising for JDRF.

What this phrase does is force you to eliminate your excuses. This was key for me because I had to come to the reality of if I chose to make an excuse for not doing something, I had to face the facts of who would suffer because of my excuses. In fundraising for JDRF, the reality really hits home because the one who suffers is my six year old daughter. My purpose.

Excuses are the easy way out. They are the socially acceptable reasons for not trying. What I have found is that it takes more energy to formulate an excuse than it takes to just do what needs to be done. I don't like excuses because they require an emotion from others that I never wanted to have...sympathy. For an excuse to be okay, sympathy from the one that you're giving the excuse to has to be felt. So in english, it's okay for you not to do something to better yourself because someone feels sorry for you. So in the end, the task doesn't get accomplished and you're left with someone who feels sorry for you. A perfect beginning to a pity party and we are all aware of the things that get accomplished in a pity party.

So how am I going to raise $13,001? I am going to rally the Pump Princess committee into contacting everybody they know and asking them to support our cause. I am going to encourage the Pump Princess committee to reach out to those they don't know and ask them to support our cause. I am going to lead by example and do the above mentioned things. I am going to not let "no" stop me from asking the next person to support Pump Princess. I am not going to be satisfied with a "yes" and keep advocating for the next "yes". I am going to let the doubters fuel me and Juvenile Diabetic kids move me. I am going to put myself in positions to advocate for a cure and then look for the next opportunity. I am going to tell our story and then tell it again. I am going to raise 1 dollar and next time shoot for 2. I am going to remember the promise I made to Micheala and hold myself accountable. I am going to care more about what I am doing than what others think of me. I am going to stress myself out today so that kids with juvenile diabetes will someday not stress. I am see where I am going and understand that I am not there yet. I am going to wear my passion on my sleeve and hope that I can I can make it rub off onto others. I am going to understand that wishing will not get a cure, rather action gets a cure. I am going to never quit, because that is not an option.

I don't have to tell those of you that know me personally that my purpose is strong. I want a cure for my daughter and will not quit until that day comes. Because of that, my how is so easy. It's a lot of work, if that's what you want to call it, but it will be worth it.

I have often thought of what a cure would mean to me and what it would be like. Truth be told, my body has been damaged by diabetes and poor management of diabetes to a point in which a cure really wouldn't do much for me. I am thankful for each and every day that I have on this earth. One more day with my daughters, one more day with my wife, one more day helping others and one more day enjoying God's glory on earth. The true victory for me is knowing that Micheala will not have to battle this disease anymore. That my wife will be a little less stressed on a day-to-day basis and that Dylanne will no longer feel as if she is being placed on the back burner. I long for the day when Heather and I can get away and not worry about Micheala's health. A time when Dylanne will no longer think, "You guys love Micheala more because she has diabetes."

My goals are high. My purpose is strong. I follow my heart. My how is easy.

What If You're Making Me All I Was Meant To Be

Watching Micheala's first JDRF Walk video, "What About Now" made me start thinking about the songs that I select for the videos. "What About Now" by Daughtry was a last minute choice for her first video. "You're Never Alone" by Jim Brickman featuring Lady Antebellum was a long researched song and was not my first choice for the second video. "Born To Be Somebody" by Justin Bieber was a song that I heard last February and knew that I wanted to use it for the third video.

Song choices are tough, but when you find the right one....you know it because you feel it. So I wanted to talk about the song for the first video, "What About Now".

I was originally attracted to the song because of the title, What About Now. It asks the question that most of us in the diabetic world have been asking for quite sometime now.....What About Now? As I listened to the song, I knew that this was the song for that video because of the lyrics:

"What about now
what about today
what if you're making me
all I was meant to be"

So as I sit in front of my computer and prepare to burn some midnight oil trying to raise funds for team Pump Princess, I suddenly get lost in reflection of my life. The ups, downs and when I decided to change.

Life for me, before Micheala was diagnosed with diabetes, was filled with things that were started and never finished, promises that were made and never kept, dreams that were dreamt but never chased, ideas that were thought but never facilitated and drive that stalled before I could get out of the garage. I had plenty of wishes but no wind to blow the candles out. I lived an average, unchallenged life in which nobody bothered me and felt that, as a father, I should raise my kids to live the same uneventful life because if they didn't challenge themselves, then they would never have to experience disappointment or failure.

With Micheala's diagnosis, I realized that I was wrong. I was setting my kids up for failure by not allowing them to challenge themselves and dream big. So I decided to lead by example.

I set our fundraising goals high. Not because I want to win some sort of award, not because I am seeking bragging rights and not because I have a huge ego that I need to fill. I set our goals high as an example for Dylanne and Micheala. The goals are high so that when we reach them, we can celebrate and feel the sense of accomplishment. If we don't meet our goals, it offers me an opportunity to teach our kids that failure only occurs when we decide to quit. We never quit. If Heather and I can teach our kids to keep pushing towards the things they want in life, then we are raising them in a way in which quiting and failure will not exist in their vocabulary. That is the life they deserve.

So, diabetes has offered us a motivation to be who we were meant to be. Years ago, I thought I knew what my place was in this world, but in reality, it wasn't until May 12, 2009....Micheala's diagnosis.

When I decided to write this blog and even when I speak to people about diabetes, i never want to seek out sympathy. I know that some of my posts unintentionally cause some sympathy and I appreciate the fact that people reading this have enough love in their hearts to feel that for us. What I intended this blog to do is to offer hope to people with diabetes in their families. Hope that there are people out there just like them and that are fighting everyday for a cure. I want people to read this and use it as motivation to find their own purpose in life. I want people to read this and see that the cards don't always fall in your favor, but you can do something about it.

Heather and I are a bit different than other parents because I think we learn more from our kids than they learn from us. I have watched my daughter Dylanne, for months and months, work on perfecting her cartwheel. She kept practicing and practicing until she had it perfected. She continues to do cartwheels everyday and everywhere. It gets a little annoying when she starts doing them in the grocery store, but I can't help but feel proud of what she has accomplished with her determination and hard work. Now she has a whole routine in which she starts with a cartwheel and goes into a backbend and finishes off with a kickover. Lots of practice and hard work. She continues to work on other moves in which I am sure she will have perfected before to long. Dylanne has shown us that hard work, practice and repetition leads to results. She never gave up, even after hurting her foot doing this routine one night.

Our kids are eliminating our excuses for not dreaming big. They are showing us that nothing is impossible if we want it bad enough. Micheala has shown us that no matter how many things get thrown at you (diabetes, chiari malformation of the brain, thyroid issues and possibly Celiac) that you can still smile. So we fight this fight. We will never quit this fight and we will do it with a smile on our face.

The (sch)ROCK

First and foremost, Heather and I appreciate all of the thoughts and prayers that were given to us yesterday by our friends and family. It was a routine check-up with a twist. We had Micheala checked for Celiac Disease yesterday, only because we were concerned and because diabetes has offered her a greater opportunity of developing this disease. We currently are not seeing any signs of this, so far, but we have to be prepared for whatever is placed in front of us.

Our doctor, Dr. Vanessa Curtis at the University of Iowa is awesome! She works with us and not against us. With her commitment, I have know doubt that we will be getting Micheala headed towards good health before too long. What a relief. And yes, I did give her a copy of Micheala's walk video, which she took with much excitement. She stated that she wrote down the walk date on her calendar after our last appointment in October. Such a champion medical professional going above and beyond. Much respect to Dr. Curtis.

So, my wife will probably be unhappy with me, but she understands that I am transparent and I share everything. So, sorry Heather, but I must share our conversation on the way home from Iowa City.

Heather gets frustrated this time of year. JDRF Walk for the Cure time that is. Not because she is selfish and not because she is seeking any sort of fame. Her frustration comes from "being placed on the back burner".

During this time, I am fortunate enough to get all of the "glorified" duties in our quest to find a cure for juvenile diabetes. Micheala and I have our pictures posted everywhere, I write a blog, I speak at events, I do videos, I do photo shoots, I send letters and here in a couple weeks will be a front page story in the local newspaper. Most of the "fun" stuff that comes with advocating for a cure. I get recognized for doing a lot of this because it is in your face and a lot of people see it. However the work that I do does not even compare to the things that Heather does, and never gets recognition.

Heather is the only reason why I am able to do what I do for Juvenile Diabetes. Heather handles all of the medical appointment scheduling, most of the day-to-day care of Micheala, visits to the pharmacy and anything else that comes up. She stays home with the kids when I am out and about advocating for a cure. She keeps the kids occupied so that I can have time to work on various JDRF projects at home. She does all of the things that nobody ever sees, but needs to be done. Example: Her and our neighbor made over 20 tutus from scratch for our "Race for the Cure" event. It took them hours upon hours, but they got it done. In short, what most of us do in the next 2 months in preparation for the JDRF Walk in February does not even compare to what she does all year around, yet she still stands in the shadow.

While Heather stands in the shadows, her desire and motivation for a cure is at a level that is unmeasurable. This I do know. I know because she makes those sacrifices and doesn't complain. She allows me to do the "glorified" work because she feels the same passion about a cure that I do. She understands what she needs to do and how that gets us closer to a cure; even if that doesn't come with an abundance of praise. She is the ROCK....or more importantly...the (sch)ROCK.

So, as the praise may often times fall short, the appreciation never will. What she does on a day-to-day basis far exceeds the amount of work that I do. I couldn't imagine me standing tall without her holding me up.

So we know what a cure would mean for me. We know what a cure would mean for Micheala. I hope now, that everyone understands what a cure would mean for Heather.

You're Never Alone

After two tough nights in a row.......Micheala, this one is for you.

It's no secret that I watch the Micheala JDRF videos everyday. I start with the current video, "Born to Be Somebody" and then move backwards. I watch "You're Never Alone", "What About Now" and finish up with our JDRF Gala video. I do this to remind myself why I got up this morning. With the past couple nights being tough on Micheala, "You're Never Alone" struck me this morning.

"Well I have to be honest,
As much as I want it,
I'm not gonna promise
the cold winds won't blow,
So when hard times have found you,
And your fear surrounds you,
Wrap my love around you,
You're never alone"

That verse struck a chord in me today. I know that diabetes can be a self-defeating disease that can shoot down the human spirit. I speak from my own experiences, but someday, we will be able to put these tough nights behind us. Someday we won't have to worry about this anymore.

As I watch Micheala, knowing that her diabetes has her not feeling the best, I am frustrated with the fact that all I can offer her are the simple words, "I am working on it" in regards to making her undiabetic.

I know that "love conquers all" so I can wrap my arms around her during this time, love her up and hope that soon she will start feeling better. But with that love, i am driven. Driven to do whatever it takes to reach our vision of a cure for juvenile diabetes.

I have often been criticized for "talking too much" or "being over the top" in my efforts to find a cure. I don't care. I challenge those people to trade places with me for just one day. Trade places with me and experience how much my daughter, my 6 year old daughter, depends on Heather and myself to make her better. I get criticized for being a "dreamer", but I know that I am not the only one. I get criticized for being "too serious" when it comes to juvenile diabetes. I have never understood that as I have chosen to live rather than die. I have chosen to give other kids an opportunity to live rather than live a life full of hopelessness.

Is being a diabetic tough? Yes. Is being a parent of a diabetic child tough? Yes. Do I wish that my life was different? No way! As I have written before, this is God's plan for our family and we have taken the step to embrace it.

So Micheala, I know you've been hurting, but you're not alone....You're NEVER Alone. I am working on it honey, so lets keep doing what we are doing. Let's kick it up a notch. Let's keep visiting newly diagnosed children and families in the hospital. Lets keep advocating for a cure. Lets keep raising funds. Lets keep positive and NEVER give up hope!

The Day We Are Reminded That We Are Failures

Tomorrow, Heather and I are taking Micheala to Iowa City for her quarterly check up. Any parent of a child with diabetes knows that this is a day in which we dread. Why? Because Heather and I will be reminded of how horrible of a job that we are doing with our diabetic child.

They will do a blood draw (H1C) and go over her numbers for the past three months. They will remind us of the food pyramid, carb intake and importance of checking blood sugars (things we all know). They will tell us that we need to do a better job of....(fill in the blank) then remind us of all of the long term effects that uncontrolled diabetes can have on Micheala's body. At some point, the doctor will look at me and remind me that I need to be a role model for Micheala. In other words, somebody is getting paid a lot of money to repeat things to us that 1. we don't want to hear and 2. we hear every three months and 3. makes us feel like shit.

Alright, the angry me just spoke, but in all reality, I know that the doctors are doing the best they can to help us manage Micheala's diabetes. I have a ton of respect for Micheala's new doctor and actually am very pleased at what she has done for us. I have a philosophy that most doctors are de-sensitized of human emotion, so I intend to change that tomorrow. I am bringing back the human side of diabetes for the doctors in Iowa City tomorrow.

I will be going to Iowa City equipped with a copy of Micheala's 2012 Walk for the Cure video. I am handing a copy of the video to her doctor and encouraging her to watch it and share it with the other doctors.

My hope is that these doctors will watch this video and decide to invest in helping find or fund a cure for juvenile diabetes. My hope is that they can see diabetes through the eyes of a 6 year old and get just as disgusted as Heather and I. My hope is that they will come together and decide to eliminate juvenile diabetes.

So as Heather and I make that long trip home from Iowa City tomorrow, discussing how we feel about the conversation that the doctors and nurses had with us. trying to scare us straight and so on, I will smile just a little bit. I will smile because I know that I have left a reminder of what diabetes looks like with them. I will smile because I know that I have challenged them to watch the video, look into the eyes of Micheala in the still photos and say that children with diabetes doesn't bother them. I know that tomorrow I may make some medical professionals uncomfortable and that making those people uncomfortable will help lead to a cure.

I hear a lot of people say, "Do whatever it takes". Tomorrow I am doing whatever takes.

Being Strong When Feeling Weak

Last night was one of the Top 5 reasons why I am disgusted that Micheala is a diabetic. Last night really smacked me in the face on why I do what I do in regards to funding a cure for juvenile diabetes. Last night fueled my reason and propelled my purpose.

After dinner last night, we started to get the girls settled down for bedtime. It was the end of the holiday vacation and they had school the next morning. No more sleeping in, not that they ever did anyway, but still wanted them to have enough rest for school.

As we started to lay down, Micheala's blood sugar reading was over 600. This is a battle we fight constantly. She had either sneaked some food or there was a miscalculation in her insulin to carb ratio. Either way, her blood sugar was high and we had to correct it, otherwise we could be looking at a long night, which means no sleep for Heather.

Aside from high blood sugars causing crazy internal damage to Micheala, high blood sugars also bring extreme thirst, frequent urination and makes you very hungry. So Micheala was extremely hungry last night at bedtime.

The problem is that we are trying to get her blood sugars to come down, so we cannot necessarily give her more food, instead we have to push fluids (water to be more specific). Try and tell a 6 year old who is very hungry at the time that she cannot have anything to eat. Easy to say, not so easy emotionally.

Micheala goes into a frantic fit. Starts calling Heather and I "mean" and "unfair". Crying uncontrollably and raising hell within the house. She starts in on Dylanne, because high blood sugars not only make you physically uncomfortable, but also very moody, usually in a negative way. Dylanne begins to become upset and we are literally minutes away from an all out Armageddon.

Because we are "old hats" at this diabetes stuff, we know that what she is saying and doing is somewhat not in her control. Dylanne doesn't understand that, but we make it a point to explain it to her every time it happens. The best that we can do is love on her and support her as the blood sugars start to drop, which they eventually did in the middle of the night.

The emotional damage for Heather and I is that we have to tell our starving kid that she cannot eat. Not easily understood by a six year old. It takes extreme amounts of patience to deal with the emotional outbursts she is having. It takes extreme amounts of courage to not give in and just let her eat. It is draining....that's why we have to fill our tanks every day.

I know that I have told people before that I could never explain what it is to be diabetic, nor would I ever try to make people understand what it is to be diabetic. All I can do is share our story. The day-to-day diabetic ups and downs.

I know that Heather and I are no different than any other parents of diabetic children, that's why I have such compassion for those families that have diabetes in their lives. We have to be strong when we feel weak.

This could all end, but it is up to you. Take a look around your community, school or even your list of friends. How many of those people fight with diabetes? If a cure was found, how would it change their lives?

If you haven't taken the opportunity to step forward and fund the cure, then I encourage you to take that step. You can donate to our team (link located on the right column of this page) or seek out another juvenile diabetes walk team and donate to them. Every penny counts and goes directly to research for the cure.

Take the step......be the difference.

The Letter

Dear Family and Friends,

With 2012 under way, I am sure that we have all made our New Year's Resolutions. Some of us are looking for happiness. Some of us looking for better health. Some of us may be looking for finanacial freedom. The bottom line is, with the new year, we often set new goals. My resolution has not changed over the past three years because I have not met my resolution. I want a cure for juvenile diabetes.

How is this a resolution and not a wish? The answer is simple. When making a wish, we close our eyes, make the wish and wait for it to hopefully come true. With a resolution, we set goals and work towards those goals. Resolutions require action. We are making a resolution.

Most of you know our story. Most of you know our purpose. Most of you know our passion and nost of you know our goal. So let me tell you somethings that most of you may not know. A person with diabetes lives an average of 15 years less than someone without diabetes. There are 24 million Americans that live with diabetes. Diabetes causes more deaths per year than cancer and AIDS. By the time you finish reading this post, there will be at least 2 more new diagnosis of diabetes in America.

So what are the Schrocks doing to meet the resolution? In 2011, our team raised $11,009 for the Eastern Iowa JDRF Walk for the Cure. In September 2011, we had a water stop at the Cedar Falls Park-to-Park 1/2 marathon, which included friends running in honor of Micheala. We had a very special frind run his first 1/2 marathon in Minnesota in Micheala's honor. We have been blessed to speak at many events including the 2011 JDRF Gala, Corparate Breakfast in Cedar Rapids and soon at the Corporate Lunch in the Quad Cities. We filmed a video for JDRF and have made our own videos which were shared all across the United States, including the country of Germany. We have organized various fundraisers including a kool-aid stand, winter kickball tournament and silent auction. Needless to say, we have been busy....but not busy enough because we still have no cure.

In October 2011, I stood infront of 500 people and asked then to stand up to juvenile diabetes, and on a personal note, stand up for my daughter. Today, I am asking the same thing. Take a stand and help us wipe out diabetes.

There are many ways to help. You can make a donation to team Pump Princess either online or by droping off a donation at Walker State Bank. You can make a donation to our silent auction on January 28th (contact me for details). You can share my videos and story with others. You can join our walk team and walk with us at the Walk for the Cure in February. All it takes is for you to want to help and the rest is easy.

Reality of the situation is that this battle with juvenile diabetes, even though it is an individual fight every day, cannot be defeated by an army of one. Every penny towards the cure gets us one step closer to helping children like Micheala live a diabetic free life.

Great moments come from great opportunities. Here is your great opportunity, now lets make this a great moment. Our goal is $13,001 this year. It is hefty goal and we will have to really work to reach it, but we wouldn't want it any other way. We choose not to be average, so our goals will not be average.

Please join in our fight. Think about that extra pocket change that you throw on your dresser after work. What if that change was the amount that helped fund a cure for juvenile diabetes.

Our efforts are not just about raising funds, it's about being part of something special, it's about being part of the cure.

God Bless,

Mike Schrock