Walk By Faith

This year, we walk by faith.  It's all we have, but it's all we need.

The past 3 years I have been painting the vision for Micheala.  A vision that someday we will have a cure for T1D.  Someday she can be a normal kid.  Someday there will be no blood sugar checks, CGM site changes or pump site changes.

I paint this vision with an extreme amount of faith that our funded researchers will make the discovery that will lead to the cure.

Faith is what inspires me to fundraise.  Faith is what keeps us going forward.  Faith is what eliminates the fear of speaking in front of large groups of people.  Faith is what helps us turn the other cheek to nay sayers.  Faith is what helps us organize our fundraisers.  Faith is what helps us speak with conviction.

We are walking by faith this year.

Faith is telling me that all of our efforts are not going without reward.  The funds, coupled with the awareness, that we are raising is helping those that are trying to help us.  Faith is leading us, because it is all we have.

This past week has been a diabetic week from hell.  Prior to belief, our life support (insulin pumps and CGM sensors) don't always work like they are suppose to.  Micheala was at the bad end of this dilemma this week.

It started with a CGM sensor not communicating her blood sugars to her pump.  At this point, her blood sugars were still normal, but we always get a bit concerned when things don't operate as advertised.  Then her pump started only delivering half of her insulin doses.  Thank God we have a fantastic support person in our pump rep, who walked us through many different scenarios over the phone.  Blood sugars started to increase, which resulted in a sleepless night for me on Monday night.

Pump and CGM site changes; we thought we were on the right path to recovery.  Micheala missed school on Tuesday due to a restless night.  Diabetes messes with your life that way and it sucks.  Starting to feel better, but her pump was only delivering half doses of insulin.  A walk through with the rep once again, and we finally solved the problem.  No more high blood sugars!  However......she started to drop.

Now we found ourselves dealing with extremely low blood sugars.  Dipping below 60 today at school and unable to bring them up on a consistent level, we couldn't let her ride the bus home, so Heather had to pick her up from school.  Thankfully tonight, we have them back on track.  What a roller coaster of a week so far!

I have to have faith that someday this madness will be over.  At 35 years old, I still have my own issues with trying to control my own blood sugars, but adding a 7 year old is a nightmare.  I was asked today why I don't include my battle with diabetes in our fundraising efforts.  It was never and will never be about me.  I have learned to live with the pain of having diabetes.  I know that I look alright from the outside, but quite honestly...I hurt.

I love it when I have good days.  Days in which I feel good and my body doesn't hurt as much.  A recent doctor's appointment has verified that I am in good health, but 20 years of diabetes still makes you sore.  My feet hurt the most.  Long periods of being on my feet make for a sore evening at home.  After a day of wearing dress shoes, there is nothing better than coming home and putting my feet up.  With 2 young girls, putting my feet up at night is rare.  I have learned to live with this pain because I would rather have the pain in my own 2 feet than have my girls feel pain in their heart because their dad wouldn't play with them.

Blood sugars have a mind of their own and love to mess with you in the middle of the night.  Whether it be waking up in the middle of the night, stiff and sore, from having high blood sugars, or waking up covered in sweat because your blood sugars have dropped; sleepless nights are just part of the gig.  This causes fatigue throughout the day.  I feeling like you are constantly tired and lying about it to those that witness you yawn throughout the day.

I am walking with faith.  Faith that this will all someday go away.

I ask you to join us and walk with faith.  I don't have any promises to offer you other than that if you choose to join us and walk with faith, that you are making a difference to me, Micheala and those others with T1D.

Be a difference maker...walk by faith.