The Now

I appreciate the fact that a lot of you have been checking this blog and also realize that I owe you all an apology for not updating the blog. I would love to rattle off the excuses for not updating; but they all lead back to losing sight of my purpose.

I want to start with some facts. Some facts that many of you may know, many of you know and denied or many of you had no clue. These are facts about me. Me and this wonderful disease we call Type 1 diabetes. I was diagnosed at the age of 15. I had no idea what diabetes meant or even what it meant in regards to the rest of my life. I didn't think about my future. Doctors are always good about mentioning the fact that, "if you don't take care of yourself now, you will have problems in the future". To a 15 year old...who really cares. I was an arrogant, live in the now type of teenager and didn't really have plans for the future. I was living a care-free life up until my day of diagnosis; diabetes came along and rocked my world...yet I didn't care. After my diagnosis...I didn't change anything in my life. I continued on as usual and had total disregard for my health. Every once and a while, I would put a little effort into controlling my diabetes, but that usually lasted a couple weeks and often occurred after a hospital stay.

To say that I cared about diabetes when I was younger is a flat out lie. As a diabetic, I single handed kept Little Debbie snack cakes in business. I did drink diet soda, but I had always drank diet soda. I tested my blood sugars.....sometimes.....never. I gave myself insulin based on what I thought I needed, which was basically a "shot" in the dark. I felt that ignoring diabetes would make it go away. It kept me on pace with my friends and my social life...it made me fit in. I had no vision as a young person. I ignored those who tried to warn me and pushed away those that cared about me. I felt invincible. I heard the warnings of the health problems that would come if I didn't take care of myself, but I never applied them. It's too late to play the ifs and buts game because I have to deal with the now.

The now is something that I never had the vision as a young man to see. The now is having passed this disease on to my youngest daughter and playing the role of a hypocrite as I tell her to "take care of herself". The now is being 35 years old and working my ass off to stay healthy so that I can increase the time that I have with the 3 most important ladies in my life. The now is facing the reality that I am about 20 years tardy in really paying attention to diabetes. The now is having an aching body and now knowing why. The now is battling an addiction to sweets that grew strong over the last 20 years (Reese's Peanut Butter Cups is the diabetic meth in my opinion). The now is realizing that it is all too late, but convincing myself everyday that it's not.

My vision is that others can learn from my mistakes. I hope that other diabetics can take responsibility instead of choosing the irresponsible road that I chose. If Doc and Marty McFly would show up in my drive way with a flying Delorian and take me back 20 years, I would most definitely do things differently. Let's face it, that's not gonna happen and maybe it shouldn't. As sad as it sounds, I believe in natural consequences because I think there is a lot to learn from them. I have learned my lesson, but now want to teach it to others so they don't make the same mistakes, which is the reason I started this blog.

Life moves too fast for me to dwell on the mistakes from the past. Like I said, I have to deal with the now. So now...I will be a positive example for Micheala.

From the house of 4 people and only 2 working pancreas...have a fantastic day.